Can I keep my child's grades away from my ex?

Question: "I was given sole custody. I know that means I have full control over where my child goes to school, goes to church, goes to the doctor, etc. My ex has asked the school to send my child's grades to both of us, not just to me. How do I make the school send the grades only to me?"

My first question is, why would you want to deny your ex that information? Putting a block between your child and your ex will almost certainly backfire on you. Your child will most likely have a great difficulty understanding why you took a step, however small, to alienate him or her from your ex. Your may distrust your ex, fear your ex, even hate your ex, but your child probably doesn't. Your child, at any age, probably wants a relationship with your ex. I realize there are exceptions to this rule, especially at the older ages where children often become less attached to and dependent on their parents, but you should stay out of it. DON'T DO ANYTHING TO DISTANCE YOUR CHILD FROM YOUR EX unless you have a really, really, REALLY good reason. Like maybe a court order or a provable fear of harm to your child. Notice I said, "provable."

And most judges won't back you up if you try to keep grades from your ex. Florida judges are very reluctant to prohibit a parent from seeing the grades of his or her child. Judges do what they can to unite children with estranged parents, and they are very reluctant to do anything that separates children from their parents in any way unless there is evidence of child abuse or some other direct harm to the child.

But that doesn't really answer your question, does it? Despite my warning, if you want to keep the grades from your ex, you can probably get away with it. Show the principal your "sole custody" order, and the school will probably send the grades only to you from that point forward. Your ex may complain to the school, but most school officials would recommend to your ex that the matter be taken up in court. Then they'd continue to send the report cards only to you. Keeping grades from your spouse may be wrong, but you'd probably be successful. Now that I've answered the question, I can only hope you'll use your newfound knowledge for good, not evil.

Can my new spouse's income be used against me?

So you lucked out on your second marriage and married a bazillionaire who makes tons of money? I know what you're afraid of: your ex will take you back to court to raise your child support based on your new spouse's income.

Don't worry, although there are rare circumstances where a new spouse's income or wealth can affect child support (maybe you previously claimed an inability to make back payments or something like that and now your expenses are reduced such that you can afford the back payments nowe), but child support is based on the income of the parents, not the income of new spouses. You should be fine.

The name on the debt/house/property/car, etc.

All the debt's in your name? Worried that you'll get stuck with it in the divorce?

Don't worry. Though Florida isn't a community property state, the result is almost the same. In Florida, if the debt or the house or the car or whatever was acquired during the marriage, it is considered "marital property" or "marital debt." There are some exceptions, but marital property or marital debt are almost always divided equally in Florida between the spouses, regardless on the name on the debt or asset.

Annulment

So you'd rather erase your marriage than get a divorce? Not a bad idea, if you can get away with it. Florida does allow for annulments, but they are rare.

Be careful, though. Just because a judge gives you an annulment doesn't mean that your church will. (Though many churches will annul a marriage even after divorce.) Also, an annulment may cost you your interest in property you may be entitled to in a divorce.

To get an annulment, you'll have to prove that your marriage was fraudulent and void (or voidable).

There are a number of ways to prove fraud, but the most common is to prove that your "spouse" was already married when you got married. You can't marry someone who is already married, so your current marriage is a "nullity" and can be annulled. (You may not even have to get an annulment, since, technically, there is no marriage to annul, but that's another story.)

But assuming you can't get out of marriage just by proving that your spouse was already married on your wedding day, you may have to prove the marriage wasn't "consummated." Consummated doesn't mean what you think it does, but in-bedroom activities are a part of consummation. "Consummate" means "to begin." So, in essence, you'd have to prove that your marriage never began. That is, you never moved in together, never opened accounts together, never referred to each other as husband and wife, etc. In other words, you had a ceremony, filed the license, but then stopped the whole marriage deal.

Be careful what you ask for, though, when filing for annulment instead of divorce. If you get your annulment, you may lose your entitlements to alimony, interests in your "spouse's" property, etc. (Though at least one Florida appellate court has said that a man can't get out of paying alimony when he was the one committing the fraud by marrying more than one woman.)

When we file for annulment, we tend to file for both annulment and divorce in the alternative. That way, we try for the annulment, but, if we learn that our client will lose property because the marriage will be annulled, we switch strategies and go for divorce instead.